Jaguar: Secrets to Making Money

The film’s official plot synopsis follows:

Hanna (to be played by Ms. Ronan) is a teenage girl. Uniquely, she has the strength, the stamina, and the smarts of a solider; these come from being raised by her father (Mr. Bana), an ex-CIA man, in the wilds of Sweden. Living a life unlike any other teenager, her upbringing and training have been one and the same, all geared to making her the perfect assassin. The turning point in her adolescence is a sharp one; sent into the world by her father on a mission, Hanna journeys stealthily across Europe while eluding agents dispatched after her by a ruthless intelligence operative with secrets of her own (Ms. Blanchett). As she nears her ultimate target, Hanna faces startling revelations about her existence and unexpected questions about her humanity.

Seth Lochhead wrote the initial screenplay and has written subsequent drafts, as have David Farr, Joe Penhall, and Mr. Wright. Hanna will hit theaters on April 8th 2011.

Is there anything these Jersey Shore kids can’t do? I watched Barbara Walters’ “10 Most Fascinating People” show hoping to get some decent quotes from Sandra Bullock, who wasn’t even interviewed. Instead, I was treated to an interview with the Jersey Shore gang in which they defended themselves to Barbara and then defined their stupid insider words, like “Smush,” “Grenade” and “GTL.”

That segment also revealed the many ways that these kids are raking in the big bucks. Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino earned $10 million this year, not just 5 as previously reported, from his endorsement deals and iPod app. J-Woww has a tanning line out and a clothing line, and now there’s news that she has her own book coming out on “dating.” This is from the girl who slept with Pauly, but I guess of all the Jersey Shore women she’s had the least hookups in the house. (See diagram below, although I don’t watch this show to properly judge.) Anyway I fail to see how she’s qualified to put out a dating book, but I guess that doesn’t matter when it comes to making money.

Jenni “JWoww” Farley announced on her Facebook page this weekend that she, too, is throwing her hat into the writing ring to become a woman of letters. According to Farley, The Rules According to JWoww will offer “a new spin on the dos and don’ts of dating, from ’smushing’ guys to avoiding booty calls to finding the guy of your dreams.” Rife with “empowering advice for a new generation of self-assured young women,” the book will offer “shore-tested secrets on landing a mint guy, staying fresh to death, and kicking the competition to the curb.”

The dating guide, which will be published by HarperCollins imprint William Morrow, goes on sale February 8, 2011.

[From Celebuzz]

The book is being released just in time for Valentine’s day, when all the single girls with aspirations of being like J-Woww can get wasted and get their fake tits out to land the “guy of their dreams.” I’m sure he’s heavily bronzed, roided up, and has his own special language with his buddies through which he puts down all the women stupid enough to put out for him.

Update: here are more photos of Jenni on Halloween. Credit: PRPhotos

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Monday 10 January 2011

Secrets to Making Money

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